so.

how are you all?

i'm good.

i'm off to
View Larger Map>kill devil hills, nc for a weekend of writing and flying kites.... all by my lonesome.

very excited.

anyway. the birds are still getting up at 4 am. i saw my first NC tick today. i screamed. i made my friend Tom kill find it. kill it. Des brought it into the building and very irresponsibly flicked it into the office. and that FREAKED ME OUT.

ticks are browner than i imagined them to be.

now i'm terrified of what i'll see.... my first trip to the Outer Banks and the NC coast.

have a good weekend.

i'm trying

to understand what it is about the birds ... in durham... in Spring.

this is my first SPRING in NC.

things i've noticed:

1. there is a thick green-yellow layer of pollen covering the entire city. if you leave yr windows open [as you must, it was 93 yesterday] then this layer will also be on every surface in yr house. it is like the black dust from the bus system in sf. only it is green-yellow.

1a. i realize that most people would write "yellow-green." i do not know why. it occurs to me that it is, for some reason, more acceptable to write "yellow-green" than "green-yellow," however, upon observation, i am first struck by green and second struck by yellow, thus: green-yellow.

2. since about two weeks ago i find myself again waking to the chirping of birds. this was once a devastating experience for me, as i had so linked the morning birdsongs to a particular woman who ultimately broke my heart. now, though, i once again am able to enjoy this phenomena. 

2a. i wake rather early in the morning and i use the sound of birds to gauge whether or not i should actually get out of bed. i don't mind getting out of bed if it is, say, 6 am. i do mind getting out of bed if it is before 6 am because then i feel as if i will be way too tired that day. my friend, chris vitiello, he subscribes to the belief that if one is awake one should get out of bed and maybe read a book or write poems. chris doesn't have a dog named bear that immediately springs into action the second he knows yr awake, though. 

all of this to say:

the birds start to sing at 4 am in durham.

2b. i don't understand why they are singing so early. the sun is not awake yet. but the birds are. this morning i thought... well, maybe the birds in the South are responsible for waking the sun.

but then i thought maybe the porch lights are too bright and somehow i am participating in a complete re-wiring of the birds' brains... nervous system.... and what might that mean for the future of, not just birds and bird life as we all know it, but, let's say squirrels? rabbits? or, more importantly, my waking habits?

mom

my mom died fifteen years ago today.

hi mom!

nothing.

my relationship w/ running has returned to its pre-injury status, and i'm grateful. it seems that jamie and i were both put out of commission for the same length of time, and guillermo went on vacation and decided to use his brain more than his legs ... so we are all in the same place, again, although, i think i'm the least fit [don't tell the boys.].

st. louis was surreal. i'm not sure i will explain that. i will say that all the kates, i think, gave really stellar and interesting readings. i was really into all of them, and not a single word / line / tone sent my attention elsewhere, which is something because, there were 8 [well, i sat for seven]. i could even hear the poets before me, which is usually hard because i'm nervous.

and, after the reading, i stayed in st louis all weekend w/ my best friend from junior high. 

that was so fun and great and we got into the same sort of mishaps we would get into back in the day. 

but i was reminded of myself as a 12 year old which, honestly, i'm not as mean nor as insecure, but, i'm not that different either. i was reading my 8th grade journal and damn.... every day i wanted to die, or i was going to be killed, or my grades sucked, or my boyfriend was a jerk, or i  hated my best friend. or loved her too much. i'm pretty sure i was a lesbian in junior high, but i had no idea what a lesbian was, so i was just miserable.... and very unsure of the people around me. when my best friend moved away when we were 14 or 15.... i was so devastated, and i cried for days and days... because she was the only one who understood me.

***

see, this is an example of a post that has words but doesn't really say anything.

i have nothing to say.

i'm writing a novel.

it is 80 outside. 

the arch from wine

the arch from wine
Originally uploaded by minor americans

my photos. i was too busy chatting to take very many.... i do have some films, though, to upload....

more 8 kates

IMG_3280
Originally uploaded by ktc131

that's james, kate schapira, me, and my best friend since junior high, patrice! thanks kate colby!

the eight kates

the eight kates
Originally uploaded by abelz

i'm home.